Clearing karma
is recovering choice.

You may have karma to clear when the same kind of problem keeps happening and you keep reacting in the same way. You might understand why you do it.

You might have journalled about it, talked about it, gone to therapy, read books, listened to podcasts, or promised yourself you would respond differently next time. And yet, when the trigger arrives, you find yourself back in the same place. A useful question is: Is there something in my life I genuinely want to change, but keep finding myself recreating? If the answer is yes, there is probably a pattern worth looking at.

It does not mean deleting a memory. It does not mean pretending something did not hurt. And it does not mean becoming emotionally unaffected by life. I use the phrase clearing karma to mean reducing the automatic hold a pattern has over your behaviour. Something happens. You feel the reaction. But there is now enough space to notice: “Ah. This is the pattern.” And because you can see it, you have more choice about whether you follow it. The goal is not: “I never feel triggered again.” The goal is closer to: “Being triggered no longer automatically determines what I do.”

You’ll know because the situation no longer has the same power to choose your actions for you.

The memory may still exist. Emotion may still arise. You might still dislike what happened. But there is more space around it. More clarity. More freedom. More ability to respond according to who you are now rather than according to what happened before. In simple terms: You have choice again.

We’re finished when the pattern is no longer running the session. That usually means you can bring the triggering situation, person or memory to mind and notice that something has changed. There may be:

• less urgency
• less contraction
• less desire to fix, chase or escape
• greater clarity
• more curiosity
• more capacity to choose what happens next

The goal is not necessarily to make the feeling disappear. The question is: Can you now relate to this situation differently? If the answer is yes, the work has moved.

Sometimes a significant shift can happen surprisingly quickly. Other patterns have been rehearsed for years and need repeated attention. I therefore don’t promise that every pattern disappears permanently in a single conversation. A more useful question is: Has your relationship to the pattern changed enough that you can begin behaving differently? One session may reveal the structure of the pattern. Another may loosen the emotional charge. Then real life gives you the opportunity to practice the new response. Clearing is not always one dramatic moment. Sometimes it is the gradual experience of discovering: “I don’t have to do that anymore.”

We begin with the thing that is happening now. Not with an abstract spiritual diagnosis. For example: “I keep getting anxious when my partner pulls away.” “I can’t stop thinking about my ex.” “I know this relationship isn’t working, but I can’t leave.” “Whenever someone criticises me, I shut down.” “I keep chasing people who aren’t available.” “I know I need to have this conversation, but I keep avoiding it.” We then look at the pattern underneath the situation. What are you trying to get? What are you trying to avoid?

What do you believe must happen before you can be okay? What does your nervous system expect will happen if you do something differently? From there we work with whatever is actually maintaining the loop. That might involve conversation, inquiry, somatic awareness, imagery, behavioural experiments, attention practices or principles from Tantra. The technique is secondary. The important thing is that we find what keeps the pattern alive.

No. You do not need to know Sanskrit. You do not need to meditate. You do not even need to believe in karma. You can simply think of karma as: a learned pattern that keeps creating consequences. The Tantric teachings give me a useful map. You don’t have to adopt the map in order to use what is useful from it.

Not in the way I work with it. I don’t think: “Something bad happened because you deserved it.” That interpretation can become cruel very quickly. Instead, think about karma more practically. Actions create consequences.

Consequences influence future behaviour. Repeated behaviour becomes habit. Habit begins to feel like identity. And eventually we can forget that there was ever another way to respond. Karma is not necessarily punishment. Often it is simply momentum.

No. Other people have agency. Accidents happen. Systems affect us. Life contains randomness, inequality, illness, loss and circumstances we did not choose. Karma should never be used as a way of blaming someone for what happened to them. The useful question is not:

It is:

That is where the work becomes empowering.

They might be behaving badly. Clearing your karma does not mean pretending otherwise. It also does not mean tolerating mistreatment. In fact, clearing a pattern may make it easier to see:

“This isn’t acceptable to me.” Sometimes the freer response is compassion. Sometimes it is a difficult conversation. Sometimes it is a boundary. Sometimes it is leaving. The aim is not to make every relationship work. The aim is to become freer in how you choose to participate in it.

Yes. Because much of the work is about your own pattern of response. Your partner may trigger the pattern, but they do not necessarily have to be present for you to understand it. If you change the way you participate in the dynamic, the dynamic itself often changes. Sometimes your partner adapts. Sometimes the relationship becomes more honest. Sometimes you realise the relationship cannot meet you where you now stand. All of those outcomes can be useful information.

Not necessarily. Two people can participate in the same conflict for completely different reasons. One person may fear abandonment. The other may fear losing autonomy. One moves closer. The other moves away.

Then each person’s strategy confirms the other’s fear. So rather than asking:

we often ask:

That usually reveals much more.

No. You may forgive someone. You may decide not to. That is a separate question. You can become free of a pattern without deciding that what happened was acceptable. For me, the more important question is: Does this event still control how you behave today? Freedom is not the same thing as approval.

Knowing is extremely useful. But knowing is not always enough. You may know: “I people-please.” “I choose unavailable partners.” “I avoid conflict.” “I become controlling when I’m scared.”

And still find yourself doing it. The next step is therefore not always more understanding. Sometimes the work is discovering what makes the old behaviour feel necessary in the moment. That is often where the real knot lives.

Sometimes you can. But many patterns once served a purpose. Avoiding conflict may once have kept you safe. People-pleasing may have helped you maintain connection. Control may have reduced uncertainty. Withdrawal may have protected you from rejection. The problem is that a strategy can remain long after the situation that created it has disappeared. Then your conscious mind says: “Stop doing this.” While another part says: “Absolutely not. This is how we survive.” The work is not simply forcing one part to win. It is helping the system discover that another response is now possible.

Old patterns can certainly reappear. Especially under stress. That does not necessarily mean the work failed.

Imagine walking through a field. You have walked one particular route every day for years. There is now a clear path through the grass. Clearing the pattern is like choosing another route. The old path does not vanish immediately. But every time you choose differently, the new path becomes easier to walk. Eventually the old route stops being the automatic one.

Often it looks surprisingly ordinary. You receive a message that would once have sent you spiralling. And you wait ten minutes before responding. Your partner criticises you. And instead of immediately defending yourself, you ask what they mean. Someone pulls away. And instead of chasing them, you remain connected to yourself. You feel jealousy. But you don’t immediately turn it into accusation. You feel fear. And still say what you actually need to say. The change is often visible in a very simple place: between the trigger and the action. There is suddenly room.

No. The work I offer is not psychotherapy, psychiatric treatment or medical care. It is a coaching, educational and contemplative process drawing from my background in Tantra, yoga, somatic practices, hypnosis and behavioural inquiry. If someone is dealing with significant trauma, mental-health difficulties or a situation requiring clinical support, working with an appropriately qualified healthcare professional may be more suitable. These approaches can also sometimes complement each other.

No. You can approach this completely practically. Something keeps happening. You keep responding in a predictable way. That response keeps creating consequences you don’t want. We investigate the loop. Then we look for somewhere you can introduce a genuine choice. That’s enough.

The work tends to be most useful when someone can say: “I know something isn’t working, but I can’t seem to change it.” That might involve:

• recurring relationship conflict
• dating patterns
• difficulty setting boundaries
• jealousy
• fear of abandonment
• difficulty trusting
• avoidance
• people-pleasing
• attachment to an ex
• indecision
• resentment
• recurring shame
• needing approval
• difficulty asking for what you want
• fear of difficult conversations
• patterns around intimacy, touch or desire

The surface problem can vary enormously. What we are looking for underneath is the loop.

That’s completely fine. You do not need to arrive with a diagnosis. Start with: “Here is the thing I wish were different.” We work backwards from there.

That is useful too. Sometimes what looks like a problem is actually a conflict between: what you think you should want and what you genuinely want. Clarity can mean changing the pattern. It can also mean realising that you were trying to change something that was never truly wrong for you.

This is where the work becomes real. A useful session should give you something to live differently, not simply something interesting to think about. That may mean:

• having a conversation
• practising a new boundary
• making a request
• stopping a particular behaviour
• noticing a trigger without acting on it
• completing an embodied practice
• journalling around a particular question
• experimenting with a different response

Life becomes the integration.

You probably don’t need to decide that from an article. A simpler question is: Is there something in your life that keeps creating more friction than you would like — despite everything you already understand about it? If yes, we can look at it together. The first step is simply identifying: what is happening, what keeps recreating it, and whether there is somewhere useful for us to intervene. Sometimes that leads to private work. Sometimes it leads to an embodied practice such as Contact Massage. Sometimes the conversation itself gives you what you need. And sometimes I may tell you that I don’t think I am the right person to help. The purpose is not to convince you that you need fixing.

It is to find out whether there is a pattern you are ready to stop letting choose for you.